Mel Robbins & The Let Them Theory

We’re diving into Mel Robbins’ ‘Let Them’ Theory from her latest book and breaking down how high-achieving women can use it to tackle personal and professional challenges. We’ll chat about Mel’s inspiring journey from burnout to becoming a powerhouse motivational speaker and personal growth guru. Along the way, we’ll unpack the magic of setting boundaries, managing your mindset, and focusing your energy on what really matters. Whether you’re a female entrepreneur juggling all the things or just trying to stress less and win more, we’ve got tangible strategies to help you thrive. Plus, we’ll explore how this mindset shift can level up your personal brand and drive business success. Let’s do this!

Time Stamps:

01:40 Mel Robbins' Background and Success

06:17 Understanding the Let Them Theory

09:29 Applying the Let Them Theory

25:27 Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Energy

34:28 Navigating Personal and Professional Relationships

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Transcript

Episode 075: Mel Robbins & The Let Them Theory
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[00:00:00] 

Michelle Pualani: Hello, and welcome back to the Her First Podcast, where we chat all about personal brands and high achieving women having overcome challenges, led to their successes, and how you can implement some of those practices in your business, in your online presence, and what you're creating as a brand. I'm Michelle Houston, founder of To Be Honest Beverage Company, a non alcoholic, hemp infused spirit alternative, as well as business mentor and educator.

Joanna Newton: And I'm Joanna Newton. I'm the co founder of Millennial Marketer, a company that helps people create and launch their own online course businesses.

Michelle Pualani: So this episode is for you if you have felt any kind of stress from external circumstances, from people doing things, saying things, being in a certain way, whether that is a client, a prospective buyer, whether that's someone who's unhappy and wants a return, an audience member who's had difficulty with what [00:01:00] you've said before, Or maybe someone's left a not so nice comment, any personal or professional circumstance that's led to you feeling stress, anxiety, frustration about what it is that you cannot control. So today our focus is Mel Robbins, the personal development guru that I'm sure you've heard about before, if Look her up and her most recent book, the let them theory.

So we're going to concentrate on what the let them theory is today, as well as a little bit of background on Mel Robbins and how you can implement this practice to embolden boundaries, to call back in your power as a professional, as a personal brand, 

and as a confident, courageous human being. So a little bit more about Mel Robbins. So Mel Robbins is a globally recognized motivational speaker. She's like a hundred K if not more for like an hour of her time. So when we say she is the big kahuna, She's like the big kahuna.

She's an author and thought leader known for her transformative ideas, as well as being able to take science [00:02:00] back research and really put it into very practical. Understandable, simple strategies that applies to a very broad audience. Her ability to distill information is like none other. So her career skyrocketed with the success of the five second rule, a concept that became the basis of her viral Ted X talk now with over 29 million views.

So as a bestselling author of multiple books, including the high five habit. Her work has been translated into more than 35 languages and has sold millions of copies worldwide. She actually came from a really interesting background, so I did read the 5 second rule. I haven't read The High Five Habit, but I'm familiar with the practice, but she came from basically burnt out, alcohol indulgence, difficulty in her marriage, super stressed out, like totally, completely overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed, Tired of life.

And then she got into this more personal development, transformative [00:03:00] lifestyle, again, science back research and how to make changes in your life in a really simple, accessible way. And so her story is really interesting if you have time to get into it. And if you've ever felt like this is rock bottom, like this is it for me.

Like I cannot. Get any worse than my circumstances. They are right now. She was in that space and completely 180'd her entire life. So with a combined following of nearly 20 million people across platforms like Tik she's super relatable. She's got this no nonsense approach that really resonates with a lot of audience again, across demographics, very broad in the way that she speaks to people.

Great lessons to be learned from how she navigates complex topics as a practitioner to being able to get it across to a ton of people so that they're going to be interested, relate to what she's saying, and go down that path with her. She's got a podcast with millions of downloads. She's a frequent guest [00:04:00] on Good Morning America and CNN, she's one of the most sought after motivational speakers in the world.

Again, 100k an hour, yes please, sign me up. So that's just a little intro on Mel Robbins. And today, again, we're centering around her most recent book, The Let Them Theory. 

Joanna Newton: I'm really excited to talk about this topic today because I think it's particularly important for us female entrepreneurs. women so much in our society are taught to absorb and care for other people's emotions, to really put other people's needs first. And so the idea of just. Um, letting someone think something or be angry or not like you is really opposite. I think of how lot of us, I'm not going to say are wired to be because I don't think like we're biologically wired to be that way, but how a lot of us are taught, we're taught to care about what others think and we're taught to [00:05:00] worry about other people's emotions. And I think it is something that on us and makes it. difficult for us to achieve the success we desire when we're constantly thinking about ruminating on people's feelings and emotions. So I'm really excited to dig in to this about it, something I'm actually really working on this year and trying to figure out how to navigate appropriately.

So I think I'm going to learn a lot as we talk through this topic.

Michelle Pualani: And we talk a lot about this on the podcast in terms of people pleasing and the expectations that females have in business and how we navigate the world, how we navigate culture, how we navigate business ownership, or even people pleasing. being in a business setting when you're working with colleagues or when you have contractors, what the expectations are for communication, what's being said, how you're responding, the emotions that you can or cannot show.

So again this conversation is really great for For setting boundaries, being able to regain your sense of peace, [00:06:00] even if things are chaotic around you to reduce the amount of stress that you're experiencing in your day to day. And we're really going to look at it from the lens of a personal brand of a business owner.

As a high achieving woman in our culture and in our online presence today. So, what is the Let Them Theory? Very brief overview, this discussion today is not a breakdown of the book, so I highly recommend reading it. Go out, listen, get the book if you'd like to dive further. And she actually has more like practical strategies, things to think about, steps as a part of the process.

So she goes into deeper discussion there. But we're just going to cover the basic principles, the overview and how you can think about them more, principally, again, in your business and how you show up on a day to day basis to give yourself some personal and professional alleviation of that stress.

So the let them theory is really about control. Mel shares that you are hardwired [00:07:00] and programmed as a human being, we all are, to want to have control. Because what is the brain after? The brain is after security. We want safety. That's the entire flight or fight response, is to preserve. So we are always trying to preserve it.

ourselves, to preserve our safety, to preserve our comfort. So a lot of the things that we do are dictated by that subconscious reality and the way in which we govern ourselves. So when it comes to control, the more that we are in control of our environment, of what's said to us, of our own personal state of being, of how we navigate our day, the more that we're likely going to experience safety.

At least that's what we're preconditioned to believe. when it comes to your external environment, when it comes to circumstances, when it comes to the client who's unhappy and wants a return, when it comes to that audience member who's upset that you said the wrong thing and wants to cancel you, you do not control those things.

Yes, you control your content. [00:08:00] Yes, you control your products, your programs, the way in which you're showing up, but you do not control those things. So the idea of let them is very simple. Let them be angry. Let them not like what I'm doing, let them speak that way, let them do this thing, and you are in charge of your reactions, the way that you think about the situation, and the way that you navigate that circumstance, because you're in control of your internal environment.

You're the only one who gets to dictate that. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt that says, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Is that really ultimately you're the one who's governing your emotions, your thoughts, your reactions, and your internal state of being. And not letting those things affect you is a part of this theory.

So you want them to let them be who they are. You want to let them say, let them be, let them do. Obviously, we're not crossing into like hurting people. We're not crossing [00:09:00] into abuse, any of those things. That's a totally different discussion, but general things, traffic that you can't control waiting in line.

Again, a customer wants a refund. You can navigate that experience and deal with it differently, but how are you emotionally responding to that situation? And what we're trying to do is. Reduce, alleviate, let go of the stress, that's coming as a part of that. So, you are allowing yourself to respond accordingly in the way that you want.

You are in control of your response. so in a minute we'll talk about some examples of this and how it kind of shows up on a day to day basis. But ultimately what you're trying to do is prioritize your energy. Prioritize your focus. Prioritize what actually matters to you. Because if someone's getting upset with you about the product, the program, the refund, you can say, Oh my god, my stuff is terrible.

I can't believe they want a refund. This person doesn't get it. can't believe that I showed up this way. You're [00:10:00] starting to internalize all of these things when there could simply just be a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Maybe you get on a call with that person and work it out. Maybe it's something that can't be sorted, but you're going to give them the refund and they're going to walk away.

So not allowing those things to impact you and ruin or govern your day and how you move about it.

Joanna Newton: I've been thinking about this a lot lately, because a lot of times when like conflicts happen or a disagreement or an unhappy client or an unhappy person that I know I'm I'm involved with, and there's something critical to me, it's really easy to just like, uh, Let that seep into my energy for the day and take up so much more than it needs to. sometimes you think about your reaction to that. Maybe you confront that person or you are stubborn about something or or anything like that. And the only person. That's probably hurt in that situation is you. know, say, say you get into [00:11:00] a fight with somebody and they say something awful about you and you're going to try to fight with them and convince them that they're wrong and spend all of this time and energy and then you're going to be worried.

Did I say the right thing? Did I say the wrong thing? It's going to go into this cycle. spent all of this time, all of this energy. That person doesn't like you anymore. you just wasted all of that time and energy on that. And I think it's really easy to get into those cycles because we want to be well liked.

We want people to think we're great. It's very rare that someone thinks something super negative about you and you're able to turn that around. Like, it's just a rare occurrence where if you decide to turn and spend your energy with the people and the processes and the companies, then you're able to turn that around. that you have an affinity for and who really connect with you, that's way more worth your energy than [00:12:00] on the negative. There's so many times in my businesses where we've had you know, we haven't had that many unhappy people. I don't want to make it sound like that, but when someone's unhappy, which is going to happen, it's a lot better to say like, Hey, what's the resolution?

You're not happy. Why don't we give you a refund and you can move on. Then trying to fight to keep that money or fight to keep that client. we can say, Hey, we're not the right fit for each other. Here's your refund. You go find someone who is the right fit. We'll move on. are way happier that way. There's not all that negative energy. They probably even will have a better feeling towards you. They'll think, Oh yeah, we just want a right fit. They're not bad. We just want the right fit. And now I'm going to go find the right fit, right? You don't need to convince everybody. You are who you are in your head. You know, you can just be with the people that. I don't believe that about you.

Michelle Pualani: And it's such a big learning lesson to realize that you're not going to change. Anybody else you don't need [00:13:00] to, you don't have to, you're not going to be successful. The best that you can do in order to change people. I've had this discussion so much when it comes to behavior. Change is simply be a model, simply be an inspiration.

Simply do the things that you'd like other people to do, because it's funny if you actually pay attention sometimes so often what you are getting upset, stressed or frustrated about. is your projection of something that you have an issue with about yourself. And I know that that sounds super harsh and I know that that's something like putting up the mirror to what your circumstances are, but so often if you reflected back on, okay, where do I do this?

Where is this something that I control? Where is this something that I could see change in myself? In habits, behaviors, words, actions, thoughts, beliefs. And you'll start to realize, holy crap, the things that really upset me about the world are oftentimes a reflection of me. And if I only modeled. Acted, [00:14:00] believed, said differently, then those things would then be reflected back to me in the world.

If you ever listen to anyone, I have some friends in my history, and some people that I've worked with before, that you just kinda, if you start to pay attention, it's like, Man, everything that comes out of their mouths is so negative and they're just dealing with this thing or that thing, or this person said this to them, or this person did this to them, or they had this terrible experience at a business.

And you start to realize it's actually what they're calling in because they're fixated on those things and they're having those issues in other places in their life. But when you start to shift that within yourself, That's actually what changes. So don't try to change anyone else.

Don't try to change the external circumstances. Yes, there are those things that you have control over, but knowing when to recognize what you do and don't is such an important learning lesson here. So, ways to think about this from an example perspective, again. Say you get a negative social media comment, and I've seen this in a lot of influencers and creators talk about this.[00:15:00] 

You spend the whole day, 48 hours a week, thinking about like, is that true? Oh my gosh, no, I didn't say it that way. I can't believe they took it that way. Wait, maybe I should say this differently. Wait, did I do this wrong? I need to put out an apology. I need to do something as a response to it. What if you just hit delete and said, let them feel that way?

And you moved on. Thinking about the amount of power, the amount of energy, the amount of Ability that you have to then take all of that time to invest in something else is powerful. And that is a huge part of this mindset strategy and a huge part of this discussion. Take that time and energy and put it into a project that you've been procrastinating on.

Instead of fixating on these external circumstances that you don't necessarily control. Now whether it is personal or professional, say there's a family member who is, overstepping their boundaries or who has said something that you don't necessarily appreciate or agree [00:16:00] with? Do you start arguing with them?

Do you start talking to other family members about them? Do you turn to your spouse and say, I can't believe that they said this and I'm never doing this again? You're dealing with this again and yada, yada, yada, and you just start to go into a spiral. How does that affect your mood? How does it affect your energy?

How does it affect your stress levels? Are you creating more anxiety, more frustration around this topic and this idea when you could have set up a boundary, put space, separation, or made different decisions, or just said, let them. And move on. What if that comment didn't impact you in that way? And I know it's easier said than done, but that's a part of the work.

That's a part of the practice, is learning how to live somewhat in this neutrality space and being able to govern your time, your emotions. There's actually another book. It's 90 Seconds to the Life You Love. I'm forgetting the author off the top of my head, but it's all about how you can navigate the waves of your emotions to better control your internal environment.

And I think it's so important to better understand here [00:17:00] and to work on. 

Joanna Newton: I just had kind of two scenarios to think of, in this like, let them concept. And, you know, one thing I hear a lot of people, Complain about who are either in the corporate work environment or have a lot of clients have people they're dealing with on a daily basis is they'll say, why does this person call me after hours?

Why do they email me when I'm not working? Why do they send emails at midnight or 6am or whatever it is like that's so rude or You know, intrusive or, or any of those things and like sometimes I want to say like, why do you answer, right? Because if they want to send their email at midnight, fine. If they want to call on the weekend when you're not answering, fine. Don't pick up the phone. Don't answer the email. Answer when you're available. If it's a work situation and, That could affect your job performance and you're not okay with those and maybe you need to eventually go find a new job. If it's a client situation where [00:18:00] they expect immediate, from you, then you might need to set expectations.

And if they need someone who gives immediate answers, maybe they need to work with someone else. Like part of it is on your reaction. You know, you're letting that happen by responding. Just don't respond. The one thing that I'm sort of struggling with thinking about this let them concept a little bit as a mother and hear me out in this train of thought, but I have, I have a family member who. has some very strong opinions about women and I do not agree with his opinions women. And if I'm in a situation when he's sharing those opinions in front of my daughter, it gets me very upset. I was the only one in the room, I think I could move on from it, but it's happening in front of my child who does not yet have the ability to say, let them, does not yet have the ability to, know, really critically analyze opinions, And so I [00:19:00] often feel like I need to stop it, you know, and I think that happens a lot as a mother, like with children or even as an employer with your teammates, if something's going on that is, know, sort of not okay, figuring out how to, and I don't know the answer to this, figuring out how to. Not let it get the emotional energy from me while still stopping something from happening.

Michelle Pualani: I think there are so many ways that this system can be utilized, and it's not necessarily like the end all be all, but it's a really good practice to start operating in neutrality. So thinking about how it can show up in your personal and professional life to give you more space, to give you more freedom, to give you more sense of peace, calm state of mind that you're actually looking to accomplish, and then how that ripple effect impacts your time impacts, your schedule impacts, your productivity and your ability to move forward and reach your goals.

It all ties into one another. So the reason that Mel kind of got to this place, and I want you to think about how this can [00:20:00] parallel you as well, is that. Like I mentioned, she was really struggling as a lawyer, had hit a point of like total burnout, depressed, upset, overusing alcohol, just not happy in her life.

And now she's one of the most widely recognized, paid, and applauded motivational speakers in the entire world. She's overcome personal and professional failure, so so often we see missteps or mistakes. She lost a talk show and. moved away from that and things changed. Someone could have lost a talk show and been like, Oh, well, that's it for me.

End of my career. And you think, okay, that's dramatic. But how many times have you experienced a misstep, a failure and let it impact your choices and how you moved forward from there thinking that you're not good enough, you're not valued. You're not able to move on to the next opportunity. You could never.

So thinking about, again, how this shows up in your day to day life and how it's impacting your ability to move forward. Some [00:21:00] of the other things in terms of emotions that we deal with, we say, yes, okay, I'm dealing with stress. Yes, okay, I'm dealing with anxiety, but we don't recognize all the ways in which we have control over that or how we can take control.

charge over those emotions and how we feel in our situations, and then how that anxiety maybe is impacting you. If you're not wanting to show up in front of the camera because you're not feeling good about the way that you talk and you're anxious about that experience, then that's going to impact your content creation.

If you're not reaching out for the collaboration because you're, Afraid of what someone might say in response that's going to impact your ability to grow. So all of these things Take a toll on your business on your presence and on the personal brand that you're building so you have to be able to embrace some of the rejection you have to be able to embrace the Letting down of expectations you have to be able to embrace those things that you cannot control if someone says no that is okay Let them.

It doesn't mean that it's a no forever. It doesn't mean that there's not an opportunity [00:22:00] later on. It doesn't mean that you can't even shift or change the way that you pitch, the way that you market, the way that you communicate because you can do all of those things, but you are in control and in charge of all of those things.

So it's really supported and helped her. I feel like, so I was listening to an interview that she did with Jay Shetty on the On Purpose podcast, and she really shared how emotional it is for her to recognize. This theory, and it's a simple concept. And when you hear it explained, you're like, Oh yeah, it's super simple.

But really what Mel does is break down these complex science data driven experiences or research and put them into easily understandable, basic daily practices. The high five habit is about giving yourself a high five in the mirror. And there's a lot of positive psychology around the ability to congratulate yourself, to acknowledge your success, to see yourself, to smile at yourself, There's a lot of things that go along with how that builds your confidence, right?

The 5 second rule, counting down from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, to getting up and doing the [00:23:00] thing even if you're not motivated or if you've been procrastinating it. There are these simple practices and strategies that you can implement that have really, really big results in your life and how you're acting, how you're doing, how you're navigating your time, your energy, your schedule.

So for her, it's been really helpful from a mindset perspective. And so many of us, like Joanna mentioned earlier, are impacted by the way that people do things. Act around us, the way that people respond to us, the way that people talk to us, and we can let ourselves get up in a tizzy about it, feed into that people pleasing nature, what was that tone of voice, do they not like me, are they being condescending to me, whatever it is, and then we internalize it, we let it spiral, and we turn it into our enoughness.

And whether we are of value, and how it's impacting us, and I can't believe that they did that, and I can't believe that they would say that. But that's not helping anything. And really, the point is to regain your energy. To [00:24:00] regain your focus. To regain your boundaries. Your personal power, so that you can better prioritize.

How you're investing all of those things toward your goals toward the future that you're creating for yourself as opposed to just being Reactionary or a victim to your external circumstances and environment

Joanna Newton: Again, if you take a minute to think about a time period in your life when things were going really well, when your business was growing, you were making a lot of sales, you were super productive, you were getting promotions, like think about your mindset at that time. You probably weren't heavily focused about The negative thoughts people had about you or the potential issues in your life, you're probably focused on the things that you can control.

And I know that's true for me. I know when I have really good days, really good weeks, really good months, I know it's because I'm focused. Super focused on [00:25:00] myself and not like in a selfish way, but I'm focused on what I can do to make things great and what I can do to succeed and not worried about, you know, I didn't get that deal because this person didn't like me or that didn't go well because they have a terrible mindset. Right? When I'm focused on my mindset, what I can control my actions, I'm my best self and I'm my most productive and I'm my most successful.

Michelle Pualani: Absolutely It is about what you can focus on and not getting so invested and what everybody else is talking about Gossiping about or what they're doing because remember you cannot control them You can only be in charge of and control you So here are some very practical ways to think about Think about the let them theory and how they're going to show up in your life in a productive, helpful way.

being able to ignore or pass over unsolicited advice, gossip, or conversation that doesn't apply to you. There [00:26:00] is so much that friends, your colleagues, your employees, your contractors, even, you Have worked with before or other business owners that you get together with and have a connection meeting.

Sometimes they just want to feed into the gossip. And I will say by nature, we tend to want to do that. We're tribal. We share in communication. We tell stories. It's part of what we're predispositioned to do. But knowing when that's not the case. Fueling you knowing when that's just feeding into that kind of need to like know what's happening like spilling the tea or being able to share that information and when it's negative about somebody else or something else that is kind of fueling that perspective instead of empowering emboldening building confidence up in somebody else or Applauding, celebrating, and appreciating that other person, that other brand, that other business.

So being mindful of that. Being able to set really clear boundaries. We talk [00:27:00] a lot about boundaries on the podcast, and you as a business owner, as a personal brand, as a content creator, as a coach, you're going to have to set boundaries between clients, Audience, contractors, employees, your business partner, your spouse, your family at home.

You have to create a work environment that works for you. Joanna mentioned the idea of emailing and being upset when other people email you. You get to decide when you check that email. You get to decide when you respond to emails. So often I talk to so many business owners and you'd be surprised because even you think like, Oh, seven figure entrepreneurs, they've got it all together.

They don't. They're still figuring it out and they're super reactionary. I've got to get back to this client. I've got to do this thing. I've got to respond to this person on social media. I have to get back to all of these DMs. When really, you don't. Yes, there's customer service. Yes, there's the experience you're creating with your brand, but you get to determine and dictate when that is.

That's taking back your energy, taking [00:28:00] back your power. Being able to respond appropriately to competitors. I know there's a lot of like stealing content in the social media space. When you see competitors talking about what you're talking about, maybe stealing your hooks or doing things that are similar, maybe they created a product or program that really mirrors yours instead of getting frustrated and upset about that, recognize what you bring to the table and how you are differentiated.

We talked about value systems before we've talked about your value proposition and what is it that you offer and how you distinguish yourself from competitors. Let your competitors do that. Let them do what they're going to do. You stay in your lane and navigate your own experience. Now there's like copyright issues, again, trademark stuff.

That's a totally different discussion. This is more so just people kind of freeloading from what it is that you've done. Let them move forward. People are always going to buy from you because of your distinct qualities and what you offer. Focus on that. 

Joanna Newton: I know I see a lot of business [00:29:00] owners get really preoccupied with what other people are doing. Like they'll set a plan. They'll set a strategy and they'll be like, Oh no, so and so is doing a sale or so and so is offering this course or this program or this thing. And then they will stop doing what they're doing and going down the path. They decided was right for them and was successful and we'll start creating something else. This wastes time, this wastes money, this wastes energy. And when you're able to really say, this is what I'm going to do. This is what I'm going to try. You want to be aware of what your competitors are doing, right? And, and know what's going on, but you can't let someone else dictate. know where your business is going. It's your business. It's your time. You know, and one thing I think is important to point out specifically, you're talking earlier about boundary setting is I don't remember who said this or where I heard this, but it stuck with me that boundary settings are aren't to control someone else's [00:30:00] actions. They're to control like how you react to it. as an example, I've decided to handle my, personal schedule that I'm no longer taking client calls on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays I might have team calls. I might have calls that are for like, business partnerships or things like that working on this podcast.

That's why we're going to adjust our schedule. So Tuesdays and Thursdays have one focus and I'm not going to take client calls. If a client asks me to meet on a Tuesday and I say yes, is not okay. The client's fault. That is my fault for changing my boundary, and I have some exceptions in my mind of when I might do a Tuesday or Thursday call with a client, like if they're mid launch, if it's an emergency, there are cases where I might do that, that I've already agreed to myself are it.

are exceptions. But if I budge on the Tuesday Thursday rule, that's on me because my boundary is about my actions, not the other person's actions. And I think that's something important to really think about. Your boundary [00:31:00] can't be, you can't talk to me on Tuesdays. My boundary is I'm not going to answer you on Tuesdays.

And you can communicate that. You can say, I don't answer emails or whatever it is on Tuesdays. And that's on you, right? So that's something to think about as you're setting boundaries, as you're thinking about all of these concepts.

Michelle Pualani: The idea, again, isn't to control anyone else. That takes so much work. To control, to change, to remind, to get in front of these people and be like, Hey, you need to do it this way. That is so hard. But just imagine how easy it is for you to make these decisions and then to implement them in your life. in your life.

So from a tangible perspective, you're releasing the need to control how people respond to your decisions in such a big way. This, again, doesn't happen overnight. It is a practice and it's something that you can work on. And being able to give yourself The freedom and flexibility to do that, giving yourself permission that you own your [00:32:00] time.

You own your energy. And no one, no one gets to decide where that goes. And if you want them to and you say, okay, this is 100, 000 client, I'm going to be flexible for what they want and they need. That's your decision and you need to own that and be okay with that. Or you can take on a hundred thousand dollar client and still set the boundaries and say, I don't take meetings on Mondays and Fridays.

So I need to talk to you on these days, or I'm going to talk to you on these days. I'd be happy to book a call with you on these days. And you know what? The funny thing is, is most people are totally okay with it. Most people do not care because they're navigating their own time. their own schedule. And when you start working with higher quality customers, with higher quality business owners, with people at a different level, you're going to recognize that they see their time, their priorities, and their interests in the same way.

It's actually one thing that I absolutely love about Alex Hermosy is that a ton of people reach out to him and be like, Hey, yeah, let's get a coffee or, Hey, I want to connect you with this person. [00:33:00] And he just, doesn't. He'll be like, no. Or if it doesn't work for him and getting dinner at his time frame that he wants, then it's not meant to be.

And that's okay. There are so many opportunities, there are so many things out there that you can be focused on knowing what you're in charge of and control of and letting go of everything else. Let them. With that, really thinking through, like, how are you going to process this? How are you going to approach this?

How are you going to implement this? Is it an email? Is it a conversation you need to have? What sort of boundaries do you need to set? And then, what we also want to do, I will say, especially as women, is that we try to over explain and justify and say, Oh, this is why I'm not taking calls on Fridays or Mondays.

Or this is why I'm not doing my client calls on Tuesdays and Thursdays. You don't need to. There is no explanation needed. And if you do get asked, it's because I've chosen to do so. Because that's how I've set my schedule. As simple as that. [00:34:00] Don't try to overexplain it either to yourself or to anybody else.

Just focus on your energy, your time. What is bringing 20 percent that you get to focus on that's going to get you closer to your goals? You're not going to be able to please everyone. Not everyone's going to understand what you're doing. And that's okay. You don't need to be understood by them. You don't need to over explain yourself and say, no, you don't get it.

This is what I'm doing and this is why. Let it go let them do their thing. as we head into this new year I want you to think about how you're gonna take some of these strategies some of these actionable Takeaways and implement them in your schedule in your day to day life in your personal life in your professional life And how it's gonna start to show up.

So you're starting with a clean slate You've been able to hopefully declutter if you haven't yet Go back to our other episodes. We have one on reflecting on the past year. We have the next one that is goal setting for 2025. tune into those, clear the clutter of what has been in [00:35:00] the past And open yourself up to the new opportunities that 2025 is going to bring.

Joanna Newton: And if you're going on a, like, a journey, this might be a journey for you. This has been a journey for me. and I think if you've been someone who's always accommodating, always people pleasing, always bending your self to meet the needs of others, this might be super challenging. Because what's going to happen is you might set boundaries, start thinking about it differently, and the people in your life who are used to you being one way might have a hard time with it. Now there are people You might choose to explain yourself to, give them a chance to catch on and stay with you. But then there are people that you might end up letting go of your life because if they were used to you bending over backwards, doing a hundred and fifty percent, giving all of yourself to them, and you stop, they're going to notice.

I've experienced this with personal relationships as well as like [00:36:00] clients and professional relationships , as I've leveled up in my business, I've had to change how I act. And some people don't like it. the new people in my life never have a problem with it. I will say that because they connected with me when I was in that level.

So you're going to have people in your life who this is going to be an adjustment for, and you cannot let. Their emotions, reactions, affect what you do. And so just keep that in mind as you make those strides. You know, if it's a close person in your life, you might have to have a heart to heart. is what I was doing. It wasn't serving me. I have to be different. why. I know you said no explanation, but I think there could be people in your life that want to keep in your life that you, you need to explain these things to. And there are some people in your life that you might just say, okay, this isn't working anymore and you kind of just move on.

You let your non explanation be the explanation and whatever happens, happens. But that is something that if you are making a big shift from being that kind of bend over backwards, people pleasing, [00:37:00] always care about what everybody thinks, you might get some reactions and some pushback. 

Michelle Pualani: Yes, and I can speak from personal experience with, it can be really tough navigating those conversations or navigating those experience, but you can't even imagine on the other side of it, the amount of weight that will be lifted from your shoulders, the amount of feeling of, you know, liberation, freedom, the sense of self that you'll reclaim because it's amazing how much mental energy and focus is distracting you.

With this person, whether it's their communication on a consistent basis, whether it's them wanting your time and attention, whatever that looks like, it can be very challenging to address, but on the other side of it, it really is so incredibly rewarding to just free up so much of your emotional attention, your mental acuity, and what can happen on the other side of it.

So giving yourself permission and space to consider some of these things and then navigating the emotional framework that comes along with it. This stuff isn't easy [00:38:00] and it's not, again, meant to happen overnight. First starting to just even pay attention to how you're responding in situations, whether that is someone reaches out to you with an email.

I used to actually, like, have immediate stress whenever I got an email that was from a client. It was like, oh my god, what's wrong? Oh my god, what's happening? Oh my god, I have to do something. how much that weighed on my emotions, my sense of health. And so just noticing how you're responding to comments, DMs coming through, any emails that you're receiving, the content that you're creating, or the way that you're thinking about these things, when a contractor gets back to you, an employee that you're speaking to, do you feel nervous?

Do you feel anxious? Do you feel stressed? And why is that? So starting to tune into that so that you can allow yourself the actionable things The boundary setting, the blocking out time, the schedule changes, the reducing [00:39:00] of clutter and getting rid of things. Get rid of the client if they're not serving you.

You know, get rid of the social channel if it's just causing you stress and emotional harm. Because ultimately, at the end of the day, yes, you're building toward a goal. Yes, you're building a financial freedom for the future that you want to have. Yes, you're making an impact. But you're not sacrificing your state of well being along the way.

And that's one of the biggest priorities. So I hope that you got a lot from our conversation today. I hope that you are going to take some of these. Let us know if you're listening. Go ahead and capture a screenshot. Tag us at Her. Healthy. Habits and at Joanna underscore. At work on Instagram to let us know that you're listening hit subscribe tune into the next episode and we'll see you next time